


Hidden Feelings

by bilgegungoren00



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Police, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But mostly angst, Cops AU, F/M, Happy Ending, Mentions of: James Olsen and J'onn, a bit of fluff too, brooklyn 99 au, i just love brooklyn 99 okay?, inspired by brooklyn 99, inspired by jake & amy from brooklyn 99
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-26 14:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12061281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bilgegungoren00/pseuds/bilgegungoren00
Summary: “Dude, I can’t believe you’re going to be working with Kara’s police academy crush. That’s gotta be some awkward shit.”Mon-El and Kara had been a lot of things to each other: rival detectives of NCPD, reluctant frenemies, work partners, and finally best friends, but nothing romantic has ever happened between them - until now. When they are forced to work with Kara’s crush from the police academy, feelings that they both kept hidden for so long surface, threatening the friendship they’d built over years. Will it inevitable fall apart…or turn into something more beautiful?A Brooklyn-99 AU





	1. Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> so yes, another day spent by writing fanfics instead of studying, because my friend (THANK YOU VERY MUCH FRIEND) got me obsessed with Brooklyn 99, and i think we know what happens when i get obsessed with a show: i write a Karamel fanfic about it. no surprise i immediately started writing this.
> 
> but anyway, here's Karamel cops AU! hope you like it ;)
> 
> p.s. this is only loosely inspired by the show and one of jake&amy storylines, it isn't a retelling of it. i just couldn't help comparing them to Karamel and kept seeing similarities, so i decided, "i could use that." just wanted to point that out. :)

Mon-El liked working on challenging cases. You know, the ones that are filled with bloody corpses, car-chases, multiple counts of murder, and, oh, his favorites of course: insane but meticulous criminals that leave minimal evidence, so much so that you had to hunt them down every step of the investigation. That was what made the police work fun, especially in a place that was usually as quiet as National City. And since those cases were rare, he appreciated every single one of them, getting excited enough about them to weird out his partner, Detective Kara “professional-doesn’t-mean-uptight” Danvers.

So yeah, it was a no brainer that he got excited when a serial-killer case was handed to them—The Faceless Killer, who skinned people’s faces after murdering them, hence leaving them… _faceless._ (Though Kara really didn’t appreciate him insisting on calling the man the “faceless assassin”, and mused about whether he wore the faces of his victims. According to her, it was a “disgusting” reference to Game of Thrones; and really, who would even want to be referencing that bloody nightmare? He still secretly believed she was a fan too.) But…his excitement was short-lived…as it turned out that they would be partnering up with the “DEO”—or detectives in fancy suites, as Mon-El liked to call them.

But okay, it wasn’t really what killed the mood for him. It was working with one Federal Agent James I’m-perfect-in-every-way-and-form Olsen. He still remembered watching the man walking to the precinct with a smug grin on his face, surprising Kara into dropping her coffee cup on the floor. It…did create a bit of mess, true, but it didn’t stop him from noticing the way she was looking at James, as if he was an angel walking on earth.

The meaning of that gaze was answered a couple of minutes later, in the break room, when Lena, Kara’s best friend, approached him as he tried to make the coffee machine work. “Dude, I can’t believe you’re going to be working with Kara’s police academy crush. That’s gotta be awkward.” And then she’d offered him a sly smile before walking back to his desk, swinging her hips along the way, and leaving Mon-El staring at her with his mouth open.

So yeah, that had been a real mood-killer. But no, it was so not because he was jealous of James, or God forbid he “liked” liked Kara—she was _wayyyy_ too uptight for his liking, despite that cute smile of hers, or her blue eyes that always shone like comets, or her blond curls that looked beautiful no matter how messy they were…you got the point—it was just because he really, _really_ didn’t want to be a third wheel between James, Kara, and her crush for him, which, according to Lena, never really passed.

Wait, did that make him the fourth wheel?

Anyhow…he didn’t like it. He didn’t like the occasional glances Kara and James shared, as if he wasn’t in the room at all. He didn’t like the way Kara agreed with _every single thing_ that came out of James’s mouth and laughed at his even the lamest jokes (and when _he_ tried to joke, she only narrowed her eyes at him, wondering what he was trying to accomplish). But most of all, he didn’t like how Kara seemed to care so much about James’s opinion that she’d do anything to catch his interest.

She never did that to him. In fact, he could almost count the number of times she agreed with him in their years-long partnership on one hand…with fingers to spare. And it stung. It stung that she cared more about an old friend’s opinion than his partner that she worked with for a long time.

And maybe that was why he rushed into solving this case. Maybe that was why he made a rash decision just to get to the murderer and almost arrested the wrong person. _Almost,_ because Detective Olsen had stopped him at the last minute, informing him that the guy’s alibi checked out. And maybe that was why he was sitting in the damn break room right now, wishing the coffee in his hand was beer, after James kicked him out of the case and said that he couldn’t work with someone so “immature” and “impulsive”. James’s words, not his…yet he had to admit that there was a sprinkle of truth to them.

Just a sprinkle, though. Not more.

He only lifted his head when he saw someone slamming the door of the break room open. _Kara._ Okay, a very furious, very disappointed Kara—and no, it wasn’t cute or it didn’t make his heart jump in his chest.

“What the hell, Mon-El?” she hissed as she closed the door behind him, even lowering the blinds. Well, that was nice of her.

He only spared a glance at her before lowering his gaze again.

“So not even a hello, then.” He wasn’t looking at her, but he could feel her rolling her eyes. Oh, and he definitely heard her stomping her feet as she walked to stand right next to the table. He saw that her arms were crossed on her chest from the corner of his eyes.

“You’d have gotten a hello if you deserved it,” she snapped almost, trying to keep his voice low in order not to turn the whole precinct into an audience to her scolding. And the scolding would come, he knew. “But instead you got yourself kicked out of a very high-level case _by a DEO agent_ —and need I remind you, DEO is one of the most prestigious federal agencies in the country?”

“I know—“ he tried to say, but Kara didn’t even let him get a word in.

“Because what? You tried to arrest someone with little to no evidence—someone who had a pretty solid alibi? What were you thinking?”

“I know, it was stupid—“

“And then when James stopped you, you accused _him_ of not wanting to solve the case, when you were the one being sloppy. When _you_ wanted this case solved so badly that _you_ acted impulsively—“

“I know, Kara!” he finally yelled, cutting her words. He looked up, only to see that she had her hands on her hips, looking down at him with that telltale crinkle between her brows, which indicated that she was either lying or really, really frustrated. It was probably the second.

He couldn’t help sighing and pinching his nose. “I know I messed up. I know I wasn’t thinking through it. I know I’m too impulsive and immature for a detective. I’m sorry, okay?” He wrapped both hands around the coffee cup to evade Kara’s angry gaze. He didn’t know what it was about this woman, but with just one disappointed gaze she always managed to make him feel like he wasn’t enough. No matter how hard he tried—well, okay, he didn’t try hard most of the time, but still… Even Captain Henshaw didn’t have that effect on him, and he was his boss. “I don’t need you to scold me about it.” She didn’t say anything for a while at that as he stared at his coffee, wondering if he could get away with drinking at work. Probably not. And trying would be especially reckless at this moment.

He briefly glanced at Kara when she walked right in front of him, putting her hands down on the table gently. “I’m not trying to scold you, Mon-El,” she said softly. He felt his heart skip a beat as he lifted his head with surprise.

“…you aren’t?” he couldn’t help asking, his voice so thin that he couldn’t help cringing. He cleared his throat and faked a laugh. Gosh, he was helpless. “Because that just sounded a lot like scolding, you know? With the…the crossed arms and… Oh, there it is. The crinkle.” Kara rolled her eyes with a huff.

“Fine,” she admitted, “I might be a little bit angry at you.”

“Told you.” He cracked a smile at that, earning a glare from her. She ignored him as she continued.

“But mostly, Mon-El, I’m worried about you.” He couldn’t help frowning at that.

“What?”

“You aren’t acting like yourself,” she explained, tugging at her ponytail as she always did when she felt especially nervous about something. “I’m not saying you’re not reckless or immature, because you are, but still… You’re a good detective. You always solve the hardest cases, you have the best instincts when it comes to criminals, and you never rush to arrest someone if you’re not completely sure about it. So yes, I am angry at you for getting kicked out of the case, but I don’t understand why you so insisted on making a rushed arrest when we hadn’t even processed all the evidence yet.”

“Because I thought he was our guy!” he tried to defended himself, yet the words sounded like a lie even to his ears. And from the way Kara rolled her eyes, it was obvious she didn’t believe it.

“You could’ve at least tried to make it sound believable, you know.” Her voice was almost mocking, in a way that made Mon-El’s chest tighten. And he knew he shouldn’t have snapped at her. He knew he should’ve kept his mouth shut, because… She was right. Damn it, she was right. But his stubborn part got the better of him, and before he could stop himself he straightened up and dropped his coffee cup on the table.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Kara,” he said with a laugh and ran his fingers through his hair. “I truly did think he was guilty. And I wanted this case closed as soon as possible, so we could get rid of James…Jerk-sen and things could go back to normal, you know, with the two of us, solving crimes.” His words caught up with him only a couple of seconds later, when he saw the absolute shock splashed on Kara’s face.

 _Oh no._ Had he actually just called James _Jerk-sen?_ Not only it was so lame—he could’ve definitely come up with something better—but…but James was Kara’s friend from the police academy. She used to have a crush on him. And he’d insulted him…in a not-so-clever way too. _Dammit._

“Did you just call James… _Jerk-sen?”_ He couldn’t help burying his face to his hand, yet still, he didn’t miss the disgusted expression on Kara’s face. “Do you have a problem with him or something, _Detective Matthews?”_

He couldn’t help grimacing at that. When Kara resorted to using _Detective Matthews,_ you knew it was bad.

“What? No. No, it’s not… It’s not about James. Why would it be about James?” It wasn’t like the guy had done anything wrong. And he couldn’t be bothered by Kara’s crush on him, right? That was ridiculous. He didn’t even like Kara. Not that way, at least. Of course he liked her. Just… It was platonic. Purely platonic. Nothing more. “It’s… It’s what he represents. He thinks he gets the right to lead the investigation in whichever way he wants because he’s from a prestigious _federal agency_. He thinks he’s above us. _That’s_ what I don’t like.”

“He _is_ leading the investigation, Mon-El,” Kara argued, crossing her arms. “And hating that doesn’t give you the right to do whatever you want. You should’ve listened to him.”

Mon-El didn’t know why, but somehow, those words felt like a stab in the back. A part of him knew that she was right, but he also couldn’t help thinking that Kara chose James over him. She chose James over her partner, with whom she’d worked with for years, and didn’t even try to stand by his side. That was what partners were supposed to do, right? Stick up to each other no matter what. But now…

He hoped it wasn’t too obvious that his shoulders slumped. “Of course. Throw me under the bus for the sake of protecting him, won’t you?” He didn’t miss the way Kara frowned at that.

“What does that even supposed to mean?”

“It means that ever since this investigation started, you have been trying to please him every turn on the way!” he snapped, not being able to stop himself. He pushed his chair back and stood up. “It means that ever since he came and took over the investigation you ignored me for the sake of spending time with him. It means that you want his approval so badly that you were fine with discarding my ideas, no matter how right I was. It means you’re so up his ass that you don’t even realize that you’re hurting the ones around you when you choose him over them! That’s what it means, Kara!” He was almost breathless when his words ended, his hands curled into fists over the table. He felt heat rising to his cheeks inadvertently.

Kara couldn’t say anything for a while, just looking at her wide-eyed, as if she couldn’t believe he could actually say something like that. Guilt washed over him when he saw betrayal flickering in her eyes.

_Oh God, what have I said?_

“Kara, I—“ he started, wanting to apologize, but she didn’t even let him get a word in before she stepped forward.

“ _I’m_ up his ass? _I’m_ trying to please him? Is that your excuse for your…asshole-ish behavior? And before you say it, yes, I know that isn’t a word, but it really fits the context right now.” Mon-El couldn’t help flinching.

“Kara—“

“Have you even considered blaming yourself, for _once_ , for _your own_ behavior? Have you considered taking the blame and _apologizing_ instead of pointing fingers at others? Because it was _your_ stupidity that got you off of this case, not me trying to follow James’s orders or James actually trying to solve it properly, you…you dickhead.” She seemed so angry by the end that she seemed like she wanted to flip a table or something. She looked almost cute—almost, if he ignored the fact that she was furious at _him_.

“Well, that was a word, at least,” he couldn’t help muttering under his breath. In hindsight, it was the wrong thing to say; he knew that. He knew that very well. But…humor was his default setting for whenever he got stressed or conflicted. And right now, under Kara’s intense gaze… He felt something inside that he so shouldn’t be feeling _for her,_ and he didn’t know what to do with it. And of course…his brain chose the worst thing to say at that moment.

He saw that in the way Kara clenched her jaw. She shook her head. “You’re insufferable. I should’ve known. It was my mistake to come here, thinking that there was something wrong with you, when you were just being your usual childish self. My bad.” She ran her fingers through her hair harshly, so much so that her hair tie came off and her curls fell over her shoulders. “You should’ve been kicked out of this case days ago.” And with that she whirled around, ready to leave the break room.

Something flared up in Mon-El’s chest and he found himself talking before he even thought about the words. “So that you can spend some alone time with Mr. Perfect Federal Agent?” he couldn’t help asking, bitterness dripping from his voice. “Really classy, _Danvers_.”

“Well, _Matthews,_ unlike some of us, I know who my boss is and I know my place. You know what, you should try that some time. It’s really fun.” He couldn’t help snorting.

“Yeah, right. Well, have fun knowing your place, _Danvers_.” Kara squared her shoulders at that and lifted her chin.

“I will.” She said it so confidently that Mon-El couldn’t help wincing. Yet he ignored the ache in his chest as he watched her open the door.

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

“Great!”

“Fuck you, Matthews.” And that was the last thing she said before she slammed shut the door, enough that the glass rattled, leaving Mon-El alone in the break room.

He slumped back down onto his chair, his face in his hands, feeling even more horrible than before.


	2. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like it :)

“So,” Winn whispered as he took his gun out of his holster and stood to the side of the door, eyeing his best friend. “What’s going on between you and Kara?”

Mon-El was caught so off guard with the question that he almost dropped his gun on the pavement…which, in hindsight, would definitely not be a good idea. At the end, they were here because they got a call about a possible drug ring operating here. It would do them no good if a gun fell down, went off, alerting the “bad guys” that the cops were there.

He managed to get a grip on his gun, trying not to choke on air, and looked at Winn. He hoped he didn’t look too pale.

“What?”

“You and Kara,” Winn sighed as he lifted up three fingers. “There’s something going on between you two.” Two fingers. “And don’t tell me there isn’t, because I know you.” One finger. “You are not acting like yourselves.” Winn closed his fists as a signal, and Mon-El stepped forward, kicking the door open with a swift kick as he pointed the gun inside. Luckily, no bad guys were there.

Winn joined him as he stepped in, feeling his heart hammering in his chest. “There’s nothing between me and Kara,” he whispered, whirling around to check the room to his left, gun still pointed forward. “There’s no me and Kara. It’s me, and a huge gap, and then Kara. In fact, ‘Me and Kara’ isn’t even grammatically correct.” He saw Winn shooting him an exasperated look from the corner of his eyes. Yep, he probably didn’t sound believable _at all._

Winn just decided to sigh and ignore his words, at least until he inspected a room at his side of the corridor and turned to Mon-El, the duo walking in the hallway side by side to what seemed like a staircase at the end.

“Could it be about James?” Winn suggested not too long after. Mon-El almost tripped over his own feet with the question, making his best friend give him a weird look. “I’m gonna take that as a yes.”

“What? No. That’s… That’s ridiculous.”

“I’ll take that as a yes too.” Winn promptly ignore the glare Mon-El shot at him. “I saw the way you looked at him and Kara,” he continued, turning around briefly to look at another—empty—room before returning his attention to Mon-El. “You’re jealous.”

_Whaaaaat?_ Mon-El could almost feel the blood draining from his face. Jealous. Did Winn just claim that he was jealous of James…and Kara? Pfft. No. That was ridiculous. That didn’t make any sense. At all.

“I’m not jealous,” he hissed, making his way to the staircase. He looked down carefully, seeing a dim light coming from the end of it. “That’s… That’s ridiculous. What am I, some hormonal, ego-driven high school student?” He signaled Winn that they should go down, hoping it would distract the man from his relationship with Kara—his _friendship,_ with capital letters and underlined, _twice—_ but of course that was a no go.

“No,” Winn answered his question nonchalantly. “You just like Kara, and you don’t like seeing her with her old crush.”

_What the…_

This time, Mon-El did trip over the stairs, barely regaining his balance by holding onto the railings. His wide eyes turned to Winn.

_“What?”_ Winn just shrugged with an amused smile, offering Mon-El only a short glance as he pointed his gun at the door in front of him.

“You like Kara, you dumbass.” Mon-El felt his heart thundering in his chest as he stared at Winn, lowering his gun inadvertently. _You like Kara, you dumbass._ He… No, that was impossible. He didn’t like Kara. She was his best friend! And even beyond that, they’d been working together for _years_. Surely he wouldn’t do something as stupid as _falling_ for her, right? That would be ridiculous. And outrageous. And…

He didn’t like her…did he? Yes, she was beautiful—like, ridiculously beautiful—and he liked spending time with her, and he did get this…this weird feeling in his stomach whenever she was around—he wanted to be around her all the time too, but that didn’t mean…

He felt dazed even as he managed to get a grip on his gun, with his thundering heart and shortened breath that had nothing to do with the danger of this mission. He couldn’t even think about anything other than Kara anyway.

He liked her. Oh God, _he did like her._

What had he done?

“This conversation isn’t over.” He only came to his senses with Winn’s words and looked up, only to see the man had his hand wrapped around the door handle. He pushed open the door no later than that.

And then it was all cuffing bad guys, packaging the drug supplies for evidence, and clearing out the house. Yet even through all of that the thought of Kara never left Mon-El’s mind.

And he knew…he’d messed up. He’d messed up, _bad._

* * *

Mon-El heard Winn walking towards his booth in the bar before he saw the man drop two bottles of beers on the table and slip onto the seat across from him. Mon-El arched his brow at the beers—it wasn’t like he didn’t have a drink in his hand. Yes, a club soda might not be alcoholic, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t delicious.

Winn just shrugged. “I just thought you might need something stronger than a club soda.” He stopped to eye Mon-El. “Since, you know, you seem exceptionally chirpy.”

Mon-El didn’t even bother rolling his eyes as he stared at his club soda, letting the liquid swirl inside the glass. He couldn’t help glancing at the bar counter on the other side of the room…and one specific girl sitting there, laughing at something Lena was telling her. A beautiful blonde with comet-like eyes…whom he just realized was holding his heart in her hands.

“What do you think Kara sees in James?” he couldn’t help asking…and immediately regretted it when amusement twinkled in Winn’s eyes.

“So you do like her?” the man quipped, taking a small sip from his beer. Mon-El opened his mouth to object. He could do that too. He could say he was just looking out for his partner and best friend. He could say he wanted to make sure Kara was doing the right thing. He could say…he didn’t want her heart to get broken by James. But he couldn’t. Not when as he stared at Kara, feeling his chest tighten with longing.

He couldn’t deny it anymore. He liked Kara.

“I just… I don’t…” He caved in when he saw Winn shooting him an exasperated look. “Fine. I might be interested her. _Might be._ ”

“Oh, Detective Matthews, was that a yes? Does that mean you’re finally coming to terms with your feelings?”

“Pfft. No.” Mon-El shook his head. “No, it’s not…it’s not feelings. I wouldn’t say feelings. Maybe a small, teeny tiny bit of crush. And I’m not coming to terms with it. I’m just…” He racked his brain to try to find an excuse for that, but he came up empty. He could feel his shoulders slumping as he stared at the beer bottle right in front of him. It was really tempting him right now. “Was it that obvious?”

Winn chuckled and shook his head. “Buddy, the whole precinct knew you liked Kara from the moment you met her.” Mon-El arched his brow at that.

“Winn, Kara and I hated each other when she started working.”

“You know, some say there’s a fine line between love and hate.” Mon-El was just about to point out just how cliché and ridiculous that line was—he could very well differentiate hate from love, thank you very much—when the man continued. “But that’s not my point. I don’t think it was a hate to love situation with you two, you know.”

“Hate to _having a crush,”_ Mon-El muttered, which Winn ignored without batting an eye.

“I don’t think you _ever_ hated Kara.” Mon-El’s heart skipped a beat. “How long ago was it that she started working with us?”

“Seven years.” _Two months and three weeks._ Not that he was counting. “But…why does that matter?”

“Seven years is a long time, Mon-El,” Winn pointed out, squaring his shoulders in the air of a college professor getting ready to give an important life lesson. “And the you from seven years ago wasn’t the you from…right now. You were really closed off to people then. What your parents did to you…how they made you believe no one could ever love you… It was really fresh. And you were afraid that if you let anyone in, they’d realize how horrible you actually were, and they’d leave you eventually. So you pushed away everyone who you thought you could _possibly_ love.” Mon-El felt like he couldn’t breathe as he stared at Winn, only listening to him, letting his words sink in. “I don’t even think you realized you were doing that. It was who you had been for such a long time that it was instinctive at that point. You just thought you weren’t a relationship sort of guy. But really, you were _afraid_ to be in a relationship.”

“How…How do you know that?” Winn just smiled sympathetically at Mon-El’s shaky question and shrugged.

“I’m a detective. It’s my job to know.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “And I also know that was why you pushed Kara away. That was why you hated her, because you were afraid to love her. But…on the contrary to all of those other girls you could potentially fall in love with, you had no choice but to see Kara. She was your partner. And somehow, somewhere along the way, she brought down your defenses, destroyed your walls, and snuck her way into your heart. She changed you, Mon-El.” He gestured at the brunette girl sitting next to Kara. “Ask Lena, and she’ll tell you the same thing. Hell, I’m pretty sure even Captain Henshaw realized that. You’ve become more open about who you are. You weren’t afraid to put yourself out there anymore. You started letting people in, letting yourself get vulnerable, all thanks to Kara. You let her in, probably involuntarily at first, and when she didn’t leave you… You truly realized that you could be loved.”

Mon-El felt like his heart was thundering in his chest as he stared at his drink. And he found himself wishing that…he could deny Winn’s words. He could claim that they were all a bunch of lies, that he did hate Kara very much, but… He didn’t. He really didn’t. He always liked her; in some way or form he did. And liking someone romantically… It was an intense emotion, just like hate. With how afraid he used to be of being abandoned… Of course he’d chosen that emotion to be hate. He wanted it to be hate, because the alternative was too scary.

He’d always thought that his hate for Kara had dissipated slowly, turning into a friendly bond. But he’d been wrong about that too. No, actually, he just denied the truth. He’d liked Kara from the beginning, _truly_ liked her, and somehow, in time… That emotion had turned into something deeper. Stronger. Something he felt inside to his core, and…he couldn’t shake it. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t.

“Mon-El, do you know why little boys pull little girls’ pigtails on playgrounds?” Winn’s voice took Mon-El out of his thoughts. His shoulders felt almost too heavy as he looked up. “Because they like the girls, and that’s the only way they know to get their attention. So you pretending to hate Kara when she first came, messing with her, teasing her, and even how you’d been trying to avoid her for the last couple of days… It was because you liked her, and you didn’t know how to deal with those feelings.”

Mon-El could only nod at that. What else could he say anyway, when Winn summed up the situation perfectly? He couldn’t help turning to Kara, watching her laugh as she grabbed what looked like a glass of club soda from the waiter. She rolled her eyes at whatever Lena said—probably how lame it was that she was drinking something non-alcoholic in a bar.

He looked away when a pang of pain hit him in the chest. What did it matter if he liked her at this point? Kara liked James. It was pretty obvious. She’d spent the last week following him around, spending every single down time she had with the man. Mon-El, on the other hand… She probably didn’t see him anything more than a friend.

“Not that it really matters, right?” he said, forcing out a laugh that sounded fake enough to make him cringe. “Kara likes James. She’s been glued to him the whole week. It’s not like… It’s not like anything can happen between us.”

Somehow, pretending like it was okay was harder than voicing the words themselves. He had to keep frowning and blinking to push away his tears.

He only looked up when he felt confident enough that he had a grip on himself…and when Winn ducked his chin to look at his face. “You know why Kara has been really close to James lately?” He arched his brow. _Because she likes him?_ “Because he’s not afraid to show his affection for her, unlike you. I think things could be different if you opened up instead of bottling your feelings.” His eyes turned to a spot behind Mon-El after that sentence, a smile pulling his lips. “And with that I’m leaving you, because my girlfriend just walked in.” He clinked his beer bottle to Mon-El’s before standing up and moving to greet Eve with a kiss.

Mon-El, on the other hand… The only thing he could do was thinking about Winn’s words. _Because he’s not afraid to show his affection for her, unlike you. I think things could be different if you opened up._ He looked up at Kara again, feeling his heart stutter with a newfound hope. Because maybe…

Maybe this wasn’t all helpless. Maybe Kara liked him just the way he liked her. Maybe they could actually work out.

And somehow… “Maybe” was enough for him to make up his mind. He was going to ask her out. Tomorrow… He would ask her out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST LOVE JAKE AND AMY SO MUCH OKAY?????
> 
> okay, i'm calm, i'm cool. but really, i love them. i just wanted to point that out. if that wasn't obvious from that chapter. :)
> 
> also, go watch brooklyn 99. seriously. that show is a masterpiece.


	3. Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sigh.....i guess this is what happens if you binge watch brooklyn 99 all day and write this AU all night...even though it's 2 am and you have to wake up early tomorrow. whatever. #noregrets
> 
> anyway, hope you like this :)

_Breathe,_ Mon-El thought as he sat down in front of his desk at the precinct, his hands clasped over the unsolved case files. _In through your nose, out through your mouth. Inhale, exhale. One, two, one, two._

How hard could that be, right?

Well, as it had turned out… It could be really, _really_ hard when a girl you liked was concerned.

He was moments away from burying his face into his hands. And he would’ve done that, but he really didn’t want to crush the roses resting on his lap, hidden from the sights of his coworkers. He assumed by now that everyone knew what he was planning to do, especially with Winn being quite vocal about it, yet still… Even thinking about those flowers brought him close to having a heart attack, and that…that would not be pleasant. It was so not time for a heart attack.

Would chocolate help with that? He had a box of chocolate too. Kara did love her sweets.

Okay, that wasn’t helping him either. Damn it, he so should not be freaking out right now. He was about to ask Kara out! He was going to ask the girl he liked out, the first girl whom he let himself fall for in his entire life probably, and he…he didn’t want to blow it. He even had a speech written down and memorized. It’d be a shame if he forgot that all in front of her.

He lifted his head, running his hand over his face to calm his nerves, before turning to Winn. The man offered him an encouraging smile and a thumbs-up…to which Mon-El could only answer with a sour half-smile. He was just about to return back to trying not to freak out and failing…when a familiar laugh filled the precinct. _Kara’s_ laugh.

He felt his heart jump in his chest. He quickly turned his chair around at the direction of the sound, feeling her breath shorten, enough to make him feel dizzy…until his eyes found Kara. And then…

Well, let’s just say it’d been a miracle he didn’t faint right then and there. Kara… Shit, did she have to look that gorgeous _all the damn time?_ Couldn’t she wear a…a sack or something to make his job easier? Granted, she’d probably look good even in that, but…but in that pink dress of hers…with a low neckline and a moderately short skirt that displayed her legs… She could walk down a runway and nobody would bat an eye. She looked _that_ beautiful.

And when she turned her head towards his direction, as if she felt him looking at her, a smile pulled her lips, bringing a flutter to his chest…

 _Focus,_ Mon-El forced himself. _Focus. Ugh, why did she have to wear that dress?_

It was an effort to keep himself together as Kara walked over to his desk, leaning her hip over it to face him. “Well, you look all broody today, Detective Matthews,” she quipped. “Still feeling down over getting kicked out of a major case?”

 _…_ getting kicked out? When had he gotten kicked out? From what? He—

Oh, right. The case with the “James Olsen”. How could he forget _that?_

That thought felt like a cold shower to him as he finally managed to straighten up and cleared his throat.

“Pfft. No. Do I look like someone who’d get hung up on _anything?” Well, maybe except you, because, you know, I kind of can’t stop thinking about you lately. Not that you need to know._ “I was just…sitting here…looking at my unsolved cases.” He grabbed the first file that came to his hand. “The murder of… Wait, no, this one’s about a bank robbery. I think the other one was about a murder. Murder _s._ Multiple murders.”

God, he was making a mess out of this. But…at least it earned a hearty laugh from Kara, one that made her blond curls jump on her shoulders. He got momentarily distracted as he watched her shake her head. “You’re insufferable.” He just managed to force a half-smile on his face and shrug.

He truly hoped that his face didn’t look as red as it felt. Did he blush? Was he the type that blushed as red as a tomato? He didn’t know, but he hoped he wasn’t, because his cheeks were burning right now and the last thing he wanted was for Kara to think something was up. Well, _something_ was up, and the evidence of that was sitting on his lap, but she…she didn’t need to know about that yet.

“But… Are you really okay about the…the getting kicked out of the case thing?” She straightened up and pulled at her dress, just as she always did when she felt uncomfortable. “Because, you know, I’ve said a lot of bad things about you…things that weren’t true…”

“Kara.“

“And I know I apologized for them, but still… I don’t want there to be any hard feelings between us.”

“Kara—“

“You’re my partner, Mon-El, no matter how annoying or immature you get sometimes. And… I like having you as my partner. Not only you’re a damn good detective, but we…we work well together. And I like that. I like how we work well—“

“Kara.” This time, he reached forward to put a hand on her arm to stop her. She lifted her eyes to look at him, biting on her lip slightly, in a way that made his stomach twist. He ignored that as he offered her a small smile. “It’s okay. We’re okay. We both said some things we shouldn’t have that day, and we both apologized for it… It’s in the past. You don’t have to worry about that.” The hope in her eyes made his heart skip a beat.

“Really?” He nodded with a light chuckle. She sighed with relief. “Good. That’s good. Because for a second I thought you’d been avoiding me all day, and—Wait, are those roses?”

Mon-El’s heart literally stopped as she leaned forward to get a better look at the flowers resting on his lap. There was no way he could hide them now. Kara was too good of a detective to not notice that.

_Oh no. This was a bad idea. Abort mission. Abort mission._

Something twinkled in Kara’s eyes when she realized that she’d been right. “They _are_ roses! Wow! Are you gonna ask someone out or something?” She leaned forward as if she was about to gush about something secret, her breath brushing his cheek momentarily and making him feel intoxicated. She was close. She was _way too close._ “Who’s this girl? Oh, do I know her?”

She was looking at him so hopefully that he had to grasp for an answer in his jumbled thoughts. He cleared his throat several times and scratched his cheek. “Ye-Yeah, you…you could say that.” Her eyes widened slightly at that, almost an unreadable expressing passing through them, yet in a moment her grin returned.

“This is getting better and better,” she muttered under her breath, flipping her hair over her shoulder, before fixing her comet-like blue eyes at him. “So… Do I get to have a name after that comment, or do I have to rip it out of you?” He looked up at him, opening his mouth, a lie already resting on his tongue…but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t lie to her when she was looking at him like that, when he felt the feelings he had for her in every part of his body. He didn’t want to lie to her. So he grabbed the flowers with a shaky hand, pushing his hair back slowly to stand up, his gaze never leaving Kara. She must’ve felt the change in the air between them, turning from fun to serious, because a frown pulled her brows. “…Mon-El?”

He quickly wiped his sweaty palms on his shirt, wishing his damn heart could just slow down for one second. He was holding the roses so tightly that he could almost hear the stems crushing under his fingers.

“Kara, I…I’ve been thinking. For the last couple of days. About… About you and…us. Mostly about us. But about you too.” God, what a lame way that was to start asking someone out. He hoped Kara wouldn’t think the same.

He bit the inside of his cheek to pull himself together. “And, you know, we haven’t really started off in good terms when we first met. Hell, that’s probably an understatement.” He laughed to try to lighten the mood…but Kara’s shocked face stayed so still that his laugh died quickly. He felt fear claw at his heart at that.

Yet he didn’t let that get into his head as he forced himself to continue. He’d been hiding this for long enough. He had to say it.

“But even then you were special for me. Whether we were rivals, or friends, or partners, our relationship had always been special for me, because… You were the only person that managed to find a crack in my walls and slip through them. You were the only person that managed to reveal the real me, and get me to open up more, starting to let people in. I thought… I’d always thought that was because we were best friends, you know, but…but maybe it was more than that.” He fixed his gaze on her, feeling his heart slamming against his ribs, and took a deep breath. “Maybe what I felt for you was…deeper than just friends. And I know this is insane, working together and dating, especially as cops, but I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t at least ask you out. I’d never forgive myself if I lost my chance with you because I was a coward. So… I was wondering… Whether you’d maybe want to have dinner with me. Or lunch. Or a drink. You know. Whatever you want. There are no parameters for dates, right?”

He couldn’t even force a laugh at that joke as he stared at Kara, holding his breath. She didn’t say anything for a while. She was just looking at the roses, a blank expression on her face…something that made his chest tighten with fear.

That wasn’t a good sign. That was so not a good sign. And the grimace she had on her face when she finally looked at him… He already knew what her answer would be even before she opened her mouth.

Yet what he didn’t expect was how she’d phrase that rejection…and how hard the blow would be.

“Mon-El…” she started, her voice low and cracked, her fingers tightening around the strap of her purse. “I’m going on a date with James…tonight.”

He felt his stomach drop with something like nausea. And if he thought thinking about James was like a cold shower… This was ten times worse. This was jumping into the water in the North Pole. He felt so numb as he stared at her, struggling to register what she was saying, yet he could very well feel his smile erasing from his face.

He only managed to pull himself together a couple of seconds later. “Oh. _Oh.”_ That was all he could croak out. But really, what else could he say as he felt like a knife was being twisted in his heart? It was an effort to even keep a straight face.

Pain filled Kara’s eyes as she closed her eyes and shook her head.

“Mon-El—“

“You don’t have to say anything,” Mon-El rushed forward, the flowers falling to his side as his arm went limp. He cleared his throat. “It’s okay. Really. It’s… It’s perfect.” His laugh sounded so fake that he almost winced. “James is perfect. You two…going on a date is…perfect. It’s fine. Really. I don’t mind it. You can do whatever you want. Whatever makes you…happy. You should be with…whoever makes you happy.” _And that obviously isn’t me._

James. She was going on a date with _James._

He had no idea how much _that_ could hurt. But he’d just found out that it was _excruciating._ It could compete with getting shot even, and getting shot did hurt a lot.

“I’m sorry…” Kara started again, but he shook his head. At least his laugh sounded more real this time.

“Don’t apologize. You don’t have to apologize for going on a date. You… You should be happy.” Kara looked like she wanted to vomit, even as she nodded. Mon-El shared that sentiment.

“Yeah,” she could only mutter out.

“And… And James is a great guy, you know. He can… He can make you really happy. He…” He stopped when he realized he was rambling…and when the knot in his throat became too large for his voice to not shake. Besides, he really didn’t think he could say James’s name again without feeling like someone was gutting him. “You can be happy with him.”

Damn it, why was it so hard to keep it together now? He had to keep it together. For Kara. If she thought being with James hurt him… She’d feel guilty about it. She was just that nice and understanding. And the last thing he wanted was to make her feel bad about how she felt and what she wanted. She should be able to be with James without having anything to worry about. Without his stupid feeling to worry about.

“I know,” Kara could only whisper with a small nod. Mon-El nodded back, wanting to clasp his hands together in the front, but he couldn’t with the roses in his one hand. Instead he pulled at the buttons of his shirt to distract himself.

“Anyway, I…I shouldn’t be keeping you from your date. You wouldn’t want to be late, would you?” Kara shook her head absentmindedly. “I should just… I should probably go. Have fun on your date, Kara.” That was the last thing he said before he whirled around, walking in the direction of the hallway, wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. He didn’t wait for Kara’s answer even, because he was worried that if he stood by her side more, he’d break down, and she’d see just how much he was actually hurting. And that…that wouldn’t be nice.

Yet still, he could feel himself shaking as he threw the roses into the first bin he encountered. He felt like he was leaving behind a part of himself there too.


	4. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize if there are any mistakes in this chapter. i've been feeling shitty all morning and rushed the editing to post it, so i might've messed it up here and there. please let me know if i did :)
> 
> but still, hope you like it :)

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ Kara repeated that word in her head as a mantra as she grabbed her half-empty beer bottle—third bottle, let’s not forget—and took a huge gulp from it. Enough that she could feel her throat burning as she slammed it back onto the table. _I’m so stupid._

Well, that was the understatement of the year, probably.

She blew it. She ruined everything so spectacularly that she didn’t know how to begin cleaning her mess up, let alone setting everything straight. She didn’t know exactly when things had started going downhill, but at some point yesterday she’d passed the tipping point—you know, that point that you realize you’ve gone way too far to turn around and you start free…tumbling down the hill—and then it was all history.

And it was also the reason she’d been drinking on a work day at…did that clock show 9:40 or 8:45? Whatever, either way, it was too late for her.

_You deserved it, you dumbass,_ a voice in her head whispered. _You brought this upon yourself._

“Shut up, inner voice,” she muttered, resting her arm on the table and burying her face on it. You knew it was bad if even your inner voice started to scold you. And this…this was bad.

“Shut up who?”

Kara came to her senses with Lena’s voice and snapped her head up from the table, so quickly that she felt dizzy for a second. She had to grab the side of the table to steady herself.

“Whoa. Is the bar spinning?” she couldn’t help asking as Lena plopped down across from her, an amused grin playing on her lips. “Am I spinning?” She lifted her hand and looked at it. Nope. Her hand looked steady.

“You’re not,” Lena softly interjected, grabbing her hand and bringing it down to the table. “You might just be lightly buzzed. And when I say lightly, I mean very, very buzzed.” She stared at the three beer bottles on the table. “Just how much have you been drinking?”

Kara furrowed her brows and tried to count. Honestly, she wasn’t keeping a track of them.

“I don’t know. Does it matter?” She grabbed one beer bottle…and then put it down when she realized it was empty. She found the half-full one on her second try. She wrapped her fingers around it and pouted. “It doesn’t change the fact that I completely screwed everything up. Like, big time. Like… Okay, I can’t find an analogy to that right now, but it’s bad.”

This time, she _did_ bury her face on her arms, almost knocking one of her beer bottles off the table. Lena grabbed it at the last minute.

“Oookay, yeah, I don’t think I need an analogy for that.” Kara could only groan in complaint at that, without lifting her head. Even to take another sip from her beer. Her heart was slamming against her ribs and there was a good chance she’d burst into tears and confess everything if she looked up, and she really didn’t want to—

“Is this about Mon-El?” Lena’s question made her stop in her tracks and look up, all thoughts about crying forgotten.

_“Whaat?”_ A smile pulled Lena’s lips briefly at the sight of her very-drunk friend—it wasn’t that often one got to see Kara like that—but then she shook her head.

“You’ve been avoiding him all day. And don’t tell me that you weren’t, because I know you. You’ve barely exchanged words, you avoided looking at each other or being in the same room at all costs, and it was the first time in _years_ I didn’t need to tell you to cut off your silly banter while I was working. Something’s up.” She leaned forward and crossed her arms over the table. “What’s up?”

Kara really shouldn’t have been surprised that Lena figured that out. Besides being a tech genius and a brilliant detective, she was also very observant, and…she was Kara’s best friend. If anyone could see there was something wrong with her, it would be Lena. And if anyone could pinpoint the reason as Mon-El…it would be Lena too.

That was why she didn’t even have to debate whether she’d lie or not. Instead she sighed, dismissing that thought, and buried her face back onto her arms.

“Mon-El asked me out,” she blurted out in a muffled voice. There was a couple of seconds of silence before Lena’s answer came.

“What?”

“Mon-El asked me out,” she repeated, looking up and resting her chin on her hands. It was an effort to push her tears away from her eyes. She focused her gaze on one of the beer bottles to avoid that. “Yesterday. He asked me out yesterday. He had… He had this huge bouquet of roses with him. He told me that he liked me, that I was so special to him, and then he asked me out.”

_Damn it, Mon-El, why did you have to do that? At the worst time of all…times?_

Lena blinked several times, obviously confused. “…Isn’t that a good thing?” she asked…earning a glare from Kara. She lifted her hands innocently. “Okay. Not a good thing. Got it. But I… I mean, I thought you’d…want to go out with him too. But I might’ve read the signs wrong. I shouldn’t have assumed anything—“

“I had a date with James.” That made Lena stop in her tracks, her green eyes wide. “Yesterday…yester-night… yesterday night, I had a date with James.”

“Oh.” That was all Lena seemed to be capable of saying. _“Oh.”_

“Yeah, _oh.”_ Kara’s laugh sounded humorless even to her own years. She continued before Lena could even say anything, the words she’d bottled up for so long leaving her mouth. “And Mon-El asked me out _right before that,_ as if he wanted to ruin my date. I mean, who does that? Who would do that?”

“…Kara, Mon-El wouldn’t even have known that you had a date,” Lena objected softly. She shot her another glare.

“I know that! I know that, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t mess everything up! That doesn’t change the fact that I literally ran away from the restaurant before I even entered it!” She covered her face with her hands in an attempt to stop her tears. But there was no stopping her words. “Everything was perfect, Lena. Everything was going to be perfect. I had the perfect dress on, I had the perfect makeup and perfect hair style, the restaurant was perfect…but I bailed. I was standing in front of the restaurant, looking through the window at James waiting for me, and I couldn’t do it. I ran away like a coward. And it’s all because Mon-El had to go and ask me out. Why did he ask me out?” She was almost complaining at the end, staring at her hands that were now resting on the table. She reached for the beer bottle again, but this time Lena was fast enough to pull it away from her reach, despite the scowl she sent the woman’s way.

“Because Mon-El likes you, Kara.”

Kara snorted and rolled her eyes at that. “Yeah, we’ve established that. He’d established that pretty openly.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Lena interjected before she could get far. Kara arched her brow in confusion, making the woman sigh. “What I was trying to say was that… If Mon-El knew you had a date, he would’ve never asked you out. He would do anything not to ruin that for you, and he would want you to be happy even if it’s not with him. He _really_ likes you.”

_I know._ That was all Kara could think as she looked at Lena. Because she knew, damn it. She knew Mon-El would only want her to be happy, and he knew yesterday must’ve been an innocent mistake. He had no way of knowing she had a date.

…well, if yesterday was a _mistake_ at all in the first place.

“And I want you to be honest with me,” Lena continued, bringing Kara’s attention back at herself. “If Mon-El wasn’t the one asking you out and it was someone else, would you have bailed on the date? Or even if he did ask you out, would you have cancelled the date if you _really_ wanted to go out with James? And don’t lie, because remember, I know you. And I can tell when you’re lying.” She fixed her gaze on Kara and lifted her brow. And Kara wished all of her heart that she could say yes. That she wanted the date with James, but she didn’t want to hurt Mon-El too, but…that wasn’t the case, was it? Because she wasn’t the type that would give something she _really_ wanted up for _anyone._ She wasn’t the type that could be guilt-tripped into not doing something. She would’ve had that date with James anyway…if she really wanted it.

“I wouldn’t,” she admitted, her shoulders slumping. Lena offered her a sympathetic smile at that.

“Because you didn’t want the date with James in the first place. Your heart wasn’t in it.” Kara had to agree with that with a shake of her head. James might’ve been her crush way back ago, but…it was in the past. And no matter how much she wanted to pretend like it never passed…she didn’t like him like she used to. He didn’t make her heart flutter, or her stomach clench, or her breath shorten like he used to. Now there was someone else that had filled that position. “And I think that might be because…you already like someone else.”

Kara’s eyes snapped up at that. She could feel her heart slamming against her ribs “Pfft, what?” she tried to play it off with a laugh that she hoped didn’t sound so fake. “I don’t like Mon-El. Nope. Not at all. This isn’t me liking Mon-El.”

“…I never said Mon-El.” Lena’s words made Kara stop. _Oh shit._ Okay, this time she really had screwed this up.

“But… I… I mean, you… You implied it!” she tried to lie, feeling her blood rising to her cheeks. “You said… You said Mon-El like, a thousand times during this conversation. You said I would’ve gone to the date if it wasn’t for Mon-El. That is implying that I like him. Like, like him like him. Don’t you deny that.” She narrowed her eyes at Lena and pointed her index finger at her, even though she could feel her head swimming with the amount of alcohol she’d drunk.

“I’m not denying that,” Lena said almost too confidently. “I stand by my claim. You like Mon-El.”

“I—“

“Don’t _you_ dare deny that, Kara Danvers.” This time, it was Lena’s turn to glare at her. “I see the way you look at him when you don’t think anyone is watching you. I don’t think even you realize it. But you like him. And that’s why you bailed on your date with James. Because you don’t like James. You like Mon-El.” She ducked her chin and searched Kara’s face. “Am I wrong?”

Kara opened her mouth to say yes, but under Lena’s harsh stare, she had to cave. Her shoulders slumped as she looked away. “No.”

“Good. Because I hate being wrong. And also…” She stopped briefly, searching for the right words to say. “I hate seeing you and Mon-El all sad and moping. And trust me, you _have been_ moping all day.”

“You’re not helping, Lena,” Kara muttered, playing with her nails. When had her nails gotten so long?”

“What I mean is… He already told you how he felt, right? So why don’t you tell him how you feel too? So you could be happy together, instead of being miserable without each other. You can’t tell me I’m wrong.” Kara wished that she could, but… Lena was right. As always, she was right. There was no point in avoiding Mon-El when she liked him and she knew he liked her too. There was no point in putting both of them in misery. She had to just tell him how she felt, and…it’d be okay. It’d be better than okay. It’d be great.

“Okay,” she said with a small nod. “Okay, I will tell him. In fact…” She pushed herself up to her feet. “I’ll tell him right now—Whoa.” She had to grab onto the table when her vision blackened and she felt dizzy. She heard Lena’s laugh before she saw the woman hold her arm to steady her. “Okay, maybe I won’t tell him right now,” she said sheepishly.

“No, definitely not right now,” Lena agreed with an amused nod. “Maybe when you’re more sober.”

Kara let the woman lead her to the direction of the door as she nodded. Even that made her feel slightly dizzy.

“Yes. More sober. Sober-er. Wait, that’s not a word.” She frowned as she tried to think. “Is that a word?” Lena chuckled again, but she ignored Kara’s words as she pushed open the bar’s door.

“Let’s just get you home,” she said. “So that you can sleep the alcohol off, and then tomorrow you can talk to Mon-El.” Kara’s heart fluttered with that thought.

“Tomorrow.”

“Yep.”

“I’ll talk to Mon-El.”

“Exactly.”

“And I’ll tell him I like him too. And then we’ll be together and everything will be fine.” Lena flashed her best friend a smile as she unlocked the doors to her car.

“That’s my girl. Now get in before you fall down on your ass.” Kara could only nod, plopping down on the passenger seat of Lena’s car. Lena shut the door behind her, and she immediately pressed her forehead against the glass, thoughts of Mon-El still circling her head. She couldn’t help a small smile. She would ask him out tomorrow. They’d start going out tomorrow. They’d maybe kiss too.

Even the thought of it was enough to widen her smile and flutter her heart.

And she fell asleep with that smile on her face before they even arrived at her apartment.


	5. Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo another story comes to an end. AND DAMMIT, THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING!!! i don't think i've felt sadder for finishing a fanfic than I did for this. i have a feeling it's because of brooklyn 99. that show is ruining my life y'all. it's ruining my life.
> 
> anyway, hope you like it!!!

_Breathe,_ Kara urged herself as she stood in front of the evidence room, staring at the door in front of her as if it contained the answer she’d been searching for so long.

Well, technically, behind it _was_ the answer that had been under her nose all this time, but still…

_Breathe,_ she thought again. How hard could it be? She just had to inhale through her nose, and exhale through her mouth. Inhale, exhale. One, two, one, two. Really, she’d been doing that for all her life _instinctively._ She should not be struggling with it this much.

But, as she’d recently found out… Breathing could be really, _really_ hard when you were about to open up your heart to the person you liked. Even if you knew it would end well…probably. Mon-El surely couldn’t have changed his mind about her in a matter of three days, right?

Oh God, what if he’d changed his mind?

She discarded that thought almost immediately. No, he wouldn’t do that. He might sometimes be childish and irresponsible, and there was no doubt that he was prone to reckless and impulsive decisions, but…behind all that he was a genuinely good and loyal person. He’d never let her down as a partner at work…and as a friend outside. She knew he’d never lie to her, especially about having feelings for her.

She also knew if they were some fleeting feelings he’d never confess it. This was real.

But…no matter how sure of it she was _objectively,_ her heart couldn’t help stuttering with fear every now and then, whispering… _What if?_ What if his feelings weren’t real? What if he’d forgotten about her? What if he moved on?

Ugh, she was hopeless.

That thought finally fueled her to straighten her shoulders up and knock on the door…before she realized that she was at the police precinct, and not Mon-El’s house.

Seriously, why wasn’t she doing this at his house?

But…oh well, too late now. She couldn’t back down. She was afraid that if she did, she’d never get enough courage to do it again. So despite every cell in her body—well, okay, not _every cell_ since her heart was pretty eager about the whole situation—protesting she pushed open the door and entered the evidence room. It didn’t take her long to find Mon-El.

Well, he _was_ standing by the shelves right in front of the door, some files in his hand. Her heart jumped in her chest.

_Breathe._

She cleared her throat to make her presence known to him. He jumped in his place slightly, whirling around, and…

The files in his hand dropped to the floor with a thump, a bunch of papers scattering around the room. She saw that one of them belonged to the photo of a murder victim… _with a severed head._ Gross.

She ignored the photo and instead fixed her gaze on Mon-El, finally managing to register his wide eyes and slightly paled face. It was obvious he wasn’t expecting her.

Well, duh. He doubted he’d drop all those files—without realizing too, because she didn’t even think he noticed the scattered papers on the floor—if that wasn’t the case. Somehow that made her relax slightly; she even allowed herself a small smile.

At least he was as anxious as she was feeling. Which…granted, wasn’t a nice thing to think, but…whatever. She could live with that. Besides, he also looked extremely cute when he was flustered, which was an added bonus.

“I knew I’d find you here,” she said, stepping forward before he could even open his mouth. That seemed to bring him back to his senses. A blush crept up his cheeks slowly—a very adorable blush, she might add—as he turned his eyes away from her, to the floor, _finally_ noticing the files there. It only made his cheeks redder.

He immediately knelt down to gather them together. “Yeah, I… I’ve been filing away the…files. _Cases_ , I mean. _Case_ files.” He shook his head and ran a shaky hand through his hair. Kara only watched him trying to come up with an answer for a couple of seconds, a loving smile on her face. What? He looked so _adorable._ It wasn’t her fault if that made her smile. “I…haven’t gotten around organizing them, so I thought…you know…I could do it. In my down time. I—“

“Mon-El.” She finally knelt down in front of him and put a hand on his. He stopped his frantic attempt at putting the files together and looked up. “Calm down,” she urged him as she offered him a small squeeze around his wrist. He gulped, staring at her for a couple of seconds…before he nodded.

He didn’t even try to see if the papers were placed into the right files before he tucked them in and stood up. Well, that was more like the Mon-El she knew. Disorganized as always. Normally, that would make her mad—there was a reason he didn’t let him even touch the police reports and instead filled them all herself—but now…it only tugged at her heart. Damn, she liked him, with his quirks and flaws and all. She would never want to change him, no matter how frustrating he might be sometimes.

“I’m calm,” Mon-El said as he put the files to the side and cleared his throat. “I’m perfectly calm. I was just calmly filing away the files, and…” He stopped when he saw the grin spreading on her face—there was no way she could stop it—and instead changed the topic…without forgetting to scowl at her first. “How did you know I was here anyway?” he asked, crossing his arms.

Well, that was definitely a mood-killer. Kara felt her smile slip off her face. “You’ve been avoiding me for the last few days,” she started explaining. _Breathe._ “And you know the evidence room is the one place in the precinct I loathe.” Recognition shone in Mon-El’s eyes, and finally, _finally_ one corner of his lips kicked up.

“Right. The surprise birthday incident, where you tried to light the candles for Lena’s cake and ended up burning a couple of boxes of files—“

“I thought we agreed on _never_ mentioning that again.” She closed her eyes and tried to shake off the memory. As funny as it sounded right now—she was sure she’d have laughed her ass off if it had happened to anyone else—it had been _scary_ being in that situation.

“Well, _you_ agreed on that. I, on the other hand, would like to mention how I jumped through the flames like a hero to rescue you—“

_“Mon-El,”_ Kara hissed, narrowing her eyes at him and crossing her arms. He shrugged nonchalantly.

“I’m just saying, you know.” And then he offered her a sheepish smile—one of those smiles that showed his dimples and made his eyes shine like two gray orbs. Gosh, she loved that smile. It was so contagious, no matter the situation, that she found herself smiling too.

And that was when she realized… She shouldn’t have doubted this in the first place. She shouldn’t have doubted Mon-El’s feelings for her, and she especially should’ve never thought that they couldn’t work well as girlfriend and boyfriend. Because…they fit. As partners at work, as best friends, they _fit._ It was so easy to be herself with Mon-El, much more than anyone else in her life. She knew that. That had been established in the last couple of years they’d known each other.

So despite her heart skipping a beat, she didn’t even hesitate as she cleared her throat and looked up. “But…that’s not what I came here to say.” She saw Mon-El’s smile slip off his face.

“Oh?” His voice was almost too thin as he grabbed onto the racks on his left. She flashed him a brief smile.

“Yeah. I…I came to say that… I never went to that date with James.” She could almost pinpoint the moment he registered her words from the way he froze with wide eyes and parted lips. “I was going to,” she continued when he didn’t say anything. “I had my dress on, I was standing in front of the restaurant, and I could even see James inside, but… I couldn’t do it. I cancelled the date.”

She held her breath as she waited for Mon-El to say something. He stared at her for a couple of seconds, clenching and unclenching his fists, seemingly trying to come up with something to say.

“Why?”

She couldn’t help laughing with that question. _Of course._ She shouldn’t have been surprised.

“You know, I’d been asking that question to myself just yesterday,” she said, pushing her hair away from her face. “I tried to blame it on the day. You know, I’ve been working on a major murder case with little to no evidence. I couldn’t lift my head from the files and evidences for hours. I was tired. And I convinced myself that _that_ was why I left the date, not because of anything else. But… That was just an excuse. It took me some time to realize that, but I’ve just been coming up with excuses to avoid the truth that had been staring at me in the face for longer than I’d like to admit.” She looked at Mon-El through her lashes, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. He had something like a smile on his face, as if he saw where this was going, and he liked it, but…he was trying not to get too hopeful just in case he was wrong. She felt her heart flutter with that as she stepped forward.

“I didn’t bail on the date because of work or exhaustion,” she continued, her voice low from her overwhelming feelings. “I bailed because, at the end… It wasn’t what I wanted. Being with James… I didn’t want that.”

She watched Mon-El as he blinked. “But...” he started, as if he was struggling to come up with the right words to say. “I thought that… You and James…”

“That I liked him?” she offered. “That I used to have a crush on him? Because I did. In the police academy I did like him. But it was years ago, Mon-El. A lot had changed since then.” She shook her head and frowned. “I don’t even think even I realized that until I was in front of that restaurant. There was a time I wanted to be with him for so long that once the opportunity showed itself… I didn’t really think about it. I didn’t let myself think about it. I’ve liked him once, surely those feelings couldn’t have faded, right?” She laughed almost breathlessly and shook her head. “But… I think I just liked the idea of being with him. The idea of my crush never fading, like some sort of a romance movie or something. But…real life doesn’t work like that. In real life, you fall out of love with people just like you fall in love with them. In life, your first love isn’t usually the one you’re destined to be with. And even if you didn’t get a closure with someone you liked before…that doesn’t mean those feelings linger forever. Someday, someone might show up in your life, and make you forget about your past crushes without you even realizing.” She stepped forward again, closing the distance between her and Mon-El, so much so that she had to lift her chin to look at him. She didn’t even think he was breathing as she smiled. “And you realize that it is them you see in front of your eyes when you think about your future, not anyone else.”

She bit her lip then, looking at him, searching his face for…honestly, she didn’t know for what. She saw the corner of his lips twitch into a smile, a hopeful but almost unbelieving one. Her chest squeezed with that, even as she tried to continue.

“I don’t like James anymore, Mon-El, because… I like you. I’m sorry it took you opening up to me to make me realize that, but…it’s you. It’s always been you. Not—“

She couldn’t even finish her sentence before she felt Mon-El’s hands covering her cheeks. And then his lips were on hers anyway, making her forget about all logical thoughts. She felt herself melt into the kiss as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, per se. It was slow, as if Mon-El wanted to give her a chance to pull back if she wanted it. But she didn’t want that. She wanted to be as close to him as possible. She wanted to savor this moment…this kiss…that she’d longed for, for longer than she even realized probably. And she couldn’t help thinking just how _right_ it felt. When she was preparing for her date with James, something in her mind was screaming that it was wrong, it was so wrong and she shouldn’t even be attempting that. The feeling was so strong that it’d made her feel sick to her stomach. But now… The only thing she felt was a fluttering in her chest, and fire and adrenaline coursing through her veins.

She pulled back only when she needed to breathe, and even then she only rested her forehead against Mon-El’s. She couldn’t help her smile. She could feel him smile too, despite having her eyes closed.

She opened her eyes a couple of seconds later to look at him. She still had her arms wrapped around his shoulder, and she could feel his hands on her waist, yet she didn’t mind it. In fact, being close to him… It felt better than she could’ve ever imagined.

“So you like me?” Mon-El asked breathlessly a couple of seconds later, his voice barely louder than a whisper. She chuckled, from the rush of the moment or the adorably vulnerable expression on Mon-El’s face she didn’t know. She nodded without a hesitation.

“Yes. I like you, Mon-El. I lik—“ He once again interrupted her with a kiss…not that she minded it. She only had to stop herself from laughing to not break the kiss, and instead leaned into it, fitting her body to his almost perfectly. And she felt like she could do this all day.

Hell, she could probably do this for the rest of her life.

(Even if Captain Henshaw had caught them kissing in the evidence room merely minutes later, replacing one mortifying memory of the place with another. Yet still, as she would find out later—after many, many more kisses in the evidence room—she didn’t mind it that much this time. She didn’t mind it at all.)


End file.
